There are moments in life when we know something needs to change, but we may not be sure of what to do next.
Maybe a decision feels complicated, a pattern we’ve been repeating is no longer working, or we just feel a little… stuck.
When we’re in one of these moments, it can be tempting to immediately look outside ourselves for an answer. We ask other people what they think, search for advice, or spend even more time thinking things through, but from only one angle. Sometimes, before we look outside ourselves, it can help to pause and check in with what we already know.
3 Check-Ins to Know if Something Is Right for You
When you are wondering if something is a fit for you, consulting what you already know before going to look for outside answers can be a good place to start. There are three places worth checking in with, or three questions I like to ask:
How does this feel in my nervous system? I don’t just mean in the moment you’re asking yourself. Pay attention to how your body feels when you’re in the situation, or when you imagine yourself making the decision, saying yes or saying no, staying, leaving, continuing, or changing course. Excitement, tension, dread, and even relief are all information.
What do my instincts say? Underneath the noise, most of us have a steadier inner knowing. Some may call it a gut feeling or intuition. Maybe you think about it as your “spidey senses.” It’s the part of us that recognizes our excuses or when we’re telling ourselves a story that doesn’t quite hold true. The idea here is to notice what your initial, unfiltered response was, before you talked yourself into or out of it.
How does this align with my values? Sometimes the choices that align most deeply with our values are the ones that ask us to stretch, take a risk, or step outside what’s comfortable. This can be especially true when we’re trying to make a change that matters, maybe not just to ourselves but also to the people around us. When a decision aligns with your values, it can still feel hard, but it tends to feel manageable, even in the discomfort.
Sometimes this self-check can bring a clear answer right away. Other times, especially when a situation is layered, long-standing, or particularly sticky, it can help to slow down further and widen the lens.
The 4-Step Perspective Practice
A framework I turn to often in coaching and in my own life to help make sense of sticky situations, solve problems, and figure out what to do next involves looking back, looking in, looking around, and looking ahead.
Each question invites us to see something we might miss when we’re looking at a situation from only one angle.
Look back. What does this situation have to teach me? What can I learn from what has happened?
Look in. What is this revealing about myself? What am I feeling, needing, or noticing?
Look around. How is this affecting the people around me?
Look ahead. What’s one small step I can take to move forward differently?
This framework gives us a way to expand our perspective without judging ourselves for where we are.
Let’s say you’ve noticed that you’ve been stuck in people-pleasing patterns. You’ve been saying yes when you really want to say no, overextending yourself for other people, or putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. Here’s what this might look like in practice:
My gentle invitation for you is to think of a recurring challenge or situation in your life that feels a little sticky.
A wider lens can help us notice what we couldn’t see before, understand what we need, and find a next step that feels a little more possible.
Final Thoughts
Deep down, we often already know the next right step. What makes it hard is that it requires us to move beyond what’s familiar or do something we haven’t done before. It requires us to trust ourselves enough to take the step, even when it’s hard.
If you’re navigating a sticky situation or faced with a hard decision right now, try checking in with your body, noticing what your intuition is already telling you, and asking whether it aligns with what matters most to you. And if you need more, widen the lens by looking back, looking in, looking around, and looking ahead.
Sometimes, the clarity we’re looking for comes when we give ourselves the chance to slow down, really check in with ourselves, and see things differently.
A so-called ‘silver tsunami’ could drain decades of organizational knowledge. This five-step process can help leaders capture institutional knowledge before it walks out the door.
I call this the editing crisis. It is what happens before the conviction crisis. It is where teenagers learn to edit who they are to fit the algorithm, the college admissions process, or the dinner table conversation rewards. And then they graduate. And they join your company. And you wonder why no one pushes back in meetings.
Today’s high-performing organizations know how to separate discussion from action. They ensure that meetings aren’t just group chats, but catalysts for decisions and action—inflection points for moving work forward.
